Always Keep Fighting
by Micaiah
Summary: Tag to 10.17, Inside Man. Sam doesn't want to lie to Dean anymore but will Dean come clean with Sam?


**Tag to 10.17, Inside Man.**

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Sam hasn't been gone more than five minutes when he hurries back into the room, visibly upset. He tosses a letter at me that barely misses taking a dive into my cereal bowl. As he drops into the chair across from me, I see there are tears in his eyes and I'm almost afraid to read whatever he's thrown my way. I glance at the signature and a lump immediately forms in my throat. _Bobby?_

"I'm guessing this means you didn't really see a French movie last night?"

Sam shakes his head. "I don't want to lie to you, Dean. It never ends well when I do."

I nod in agreement. "Yeah, lying never works out too well for either of us, does it?"

Not that I'm about to come clean anytime soon. Sam has been worrying too much about what's going to happen to me. I'm not contributing to that by telling him about the dreams I've been having. It's not like I'm lying to him…..not really.

"So, what were you doing last night?"

"We broke Metatron out of heaven."

"You did what?" Damn, I thought I had a rough night. "Wait, you said we. So, you and Bobby?"

"No, it was Cas and me. We had a little help from Bobby."

As Sam gives me the cliff notes version of what happened last night, I read over the letter in my hand. Bobby's right. This is so weird. A part of me wishes I could have been in on this mission, just to hear the old man's voice again. God, I miss him. But the other part of me wishes Sam could just accept what's going to happen to me. He's killing himself trying to find a cure and I'm not going to be around to pick up the pieces when he falls apart. That's the worst thing about all of this. Whatever the Mark does to me…..Sammy is going to suffer and I'm not going to be here to take care of my little brother. I'll never forgive myself for that.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"For what?"

"For going behind your back."

Sam looks as if someone has kicked him and I realize it's me. I'm the reason he looks that way. I'm the reason for his grief and it only makes me despise myself even more.

"Sam, do you think I don't know you? It's not in your DNA to give up….not ever. No matter what I say, you're not going to listen. You're gonna do whatever you can to save me. I know that." I hold up the letter in my hand. "Bobby was right about one thing."

Sam attempts a grin through his tears. "What? That you're stubborn?"

"That's the pot calling the kettle black for sure." Nobody in this world was more ornery and stubborn than Bobby. Yeah, I really miss that. "He was right about you. You're a good man, Sammy. One of the best. I wish I hadn't put you through so much crap all these years."

"I think the crap has gone both ways, Dean."

We're both silent for a moment, thinking back to years past…..times that seemed so simple compared to now. There had always been a way out…..maybe not the way we had imagined but there had always been something. This time, there's nothing. I know it's the end of the road for me, one way or another. The only thing I regret is leaving Sammy alone. I know how much it's going to hurt him, especially after all I've put him through these past few months. But he's a good man, like Bobby says and he's a survivor. He'll keep fighting….he'll do it for me. I have to make sure of that.

"So, no luck with Metatron, huh?"

Sam shakes his head and looks so miserable it's all I can do not to go to his side of the table and pull him into a hug. He looks like he needs one in the worst way right now.

"I'm not giving up, Dean."

"I know you're not, Sammy." I sigh, the sound as heavy as the weight on my heart. "But I'm not going to hold out false hope. I've accepted my fate. It would be so much easier if you would too."

"Easier for who, Dean? You? Because it's never going to be easier for me. I'm the one who's gonna be left here alone if I can't find a way to fix this." He jumps to his feet, pacing the length of the room. "I'm the one who's gonna have to go on. I'm the one who….."

I intercept his pacing with a hand on his arm. "Hey, take it easy."

"…can never save you."

"Sammy…."

"I can never save you, Dean."

The strain this is putting him through has been evident on his face for weeks…..the lack of sleep, the constant worry, the late night research…..all because of me. Now the tears in his eyes only remind me of how much he will still have to endure.

"Sammy, I'm so sorry."

Sam bites his lip in an attempt to hold back his tears. He stares just past my shoulder, trying to ignore the pain he's feeling and I give in to my earlier impulse and pull him into my arms. He doesn't resist and even though he's inches taller than me, he seems so small and scared…just like when we were kids. I always managed to comfort him then. How am I supposed to do that now? I'm the one causing him all this pain.

He clings to me for a moment and then pulls away. He takes a deep breath and wipes his hand across his face. "I'm not giving up, Dean. I'll always keep fighting for you."

_That's exactly what I'm counting on, Sammy. Even when I'm gone._

"I know, Sammy." I reach up and grasp his shoulder. "I'm one lucky son of a bitch to have you for a brother."

Sam manages a laugh. "You know Bobby would make fun of us if he was here right now, don't you?"

I smile fondly at the thought. "Yeah, he'd tell us to check ourselves for lady parts. Man, I miss him."

"Yeah, me too."

After a moment, Sam turns as if to head to his room.

"Uh, hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah, Dean?" He glances back at me.

"Since we're coming clean…"

Sam looks at me expectantly and I know by his expression that I'm not hiding anything. He knows about the dreams I've been having. He probably knows more about what I'm going through than I do. But I can't talk about it, not yet. Sam might know about the dreams but he still doesn't know what I'm dreaming. I'll tell him….soon. He has enough to worry about right now without adding more fuel to the fire.

"….uh, I wouldn't use your toothbrush, if I were you."

Sam grins and reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out a brand new toothbrush still wrapped in plastic. "You think you're the only one who knows his brother?"

And in the middle of the tragedy that has become our lives, we both begin to laugh.

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**A/N: I deliberately chose the title of this fic because of Jared's campaign (and also because Bobby told Sam to keep fighting in his letter). For anyone who struggles daily, if there's anything Sam and Dean have taught us, it's not to give up. So, this is for you, whoever you are. Always Keep Fighting. You are worth it, you are needed, you are loved. **

**Thank you for reading and especially thank those of you who have encouraged me through the years. I've been writing fanfiction for six years now and I love every moment of it. **


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